you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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