and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
