When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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