Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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