i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
