why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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