I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
