If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
