She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize