I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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