woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
