Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
