At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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