This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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