i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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