i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
