Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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