Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
