Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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