I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
