Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
