He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Boobs are out for the taking
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
