I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
