I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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