So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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