we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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