just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
