Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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