i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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