I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
