I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
