Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
