Swine flu is the new snow day.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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