i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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