I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
