is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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