I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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