My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
