I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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