i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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