I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
