I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
