I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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