There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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