he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you win again, gameday.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
