so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize