I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
