I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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