We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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