last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize