thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
