can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
