Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
What a dumb baby whore.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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