Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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