nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize