hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
