is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
