No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
