apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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