a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
