dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
