Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
