I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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