I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
