I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
