i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
