there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
