it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So vagazzling was a success
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
