where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
