I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
