please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
